Improvement

Posted in Back pain, health care, Musings with tags , , , on October 7, 2013 by madelincwolf

The last couple of days give me hope.  I have been improving in spite of waiting for tests.  I am in less pain and able to walk some without the walker.  I finally got an appointment for an MRI… on November 1!  Wonder how much more I will have improved by then.  I am so anxious to get back to normal.  Working, cooking, walking… the list goes on.

Better

Posted in Uncategorized on October 3, 2013 by madelincwolf

Today is a sunny day.  I got good sleep last night and was surprised to find that I can walk a little better!  I am encouraged that I am getting better.  My MRI is scheduled for Nov.1… really?  I will probably be healed by then.  Ah well, I just will have to go with the flow.

One Month and Counting

Posted in Back pain with tags , , , , , on September 29, 2013 by madelincwolf

I wish I could say that my back problem is a thing of the past.  Such is not the case.  Pain is such an all-consuming, life-eroding presence in my life.  It is not well controlled.  Waiting for approval for an MRI and PT appointment is, literally, agony.  Because I am not improving any more, I am worried that irreparable nerve damage is occurring.

I hate being dependent.  I hate the way my pain makes me short-tempered and crabby and depressed. I hate that I can’t be in my studio working.   Will I have this pain forever?  Will I be disabled?  Can’t I just grin and bear it making the best of a bad situation? No.  Today is crap.  Maybe I will feel better about it all tomorrow.  One can only hope.

Mixed Media Stitch Finalist!

Posted in Challenges, Mixed Media, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on September 17, 2013 by madelincwolf

Before I injured my back, I made a piece for the Cloth Paper Scissors “Mixed-Media Stitch” challenge.  I found out yesterday that I am one of the finalists.! I will send in my entry and, hopefully will be included in an upcoming issue of CPS magazine.  This really was an uplifting piece of news.  This piece represents the healing I have been doing over the past year.  I am not finished yet, but my heart is healing.  I used a quilted practice piece, folded tea bags, embroidery, a gold Lumiere paint wash and a cardboard heart with glued-on eggshells colored with Adirondack Alcohol Inks. the twig is coriander painted red.  I enjoyed creating this piece and look forward to doing more eggshell mosaic art pieces.

My Healing Heart

My Healing Heart

My Healing Heart Closeup

My Healing Heart Closeup

One Year Later

Posted in Cancer, End of Life, Musings with tags , , , , , , , on August 3, 2013 by madelincwolf

August 1 marked the date that my husband passed away last year.  I can’t believe that it has been that long.  I still miss him so much! It is getting easier  to think of him without getting really down.  In the days leading up to the first, I did have some flashbacks.  Mostly, though I remember the good things that we shared.  I suppose that this next year will be easier still.

On another note, I am getting back into my  studio working on client projects once again.  Having my own brush with a little bit of cancer has galvanized my desire to give my art a greater part in my life.  I believe that it is possible to do both my business and my art. That is the plan anyway.

I am so seriously behind on my weekly words it’s not funny.  Hope to catch up with that soon.

Right now, I have some back trouble that needs to be resolved for me to be fully engaged in my life.  I just hope that it won’t be something that is chronic and unfixable.  That would really be a bummer.  So, that’s it for now… time to ice.

WORD Week 18

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Cancer, health care, Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2013 by madelincwolf

Another week has gone by.  I have an appointment next Wednesday with the Dr. who will perform my surgery and I am not looking forward to it.  My therapist told me that I need some distractions so that I won’t keep going to that dark place where I dwell on my fears and feel paralyzed.  I told him that TV was working somewhat.  He suggested that I do something more than that. Like walking, for one thing.  So, that’s the word this week: DISTRACTION.

My first instinct is to say that I must face this head on and not put my head in the sand.  Perhaps that would work well for someone who does not worry about everything in the world that could go wrong when it comes to any disagreeable situation one has to face.  Therein lies the dilemma. Will the information I find fuel my fears or defuse them?  I want to find out everything there is to know about this operation; I watched a couple of You Tube videos and surprisingly, that calmed me a bit. The operation using the da Vinci machine seemed to proceed better than the regular laparoscopic surgery.  Of course it all depends on the skill of the Dr.  I will have many questions.

As far as DISTRACTION goes, last month I participated in NaNoWriMo’s set-your-own-word-count, write-what-you-want extravaganza.  I made my 10,0000 words and got my certificate.  I also have just about finished my 3′ x 3′ quilt for the Annual  Berkeley Public Library Quilt Show which starts on May 8, coincidentally.  I have been trying and buying new hot sauces at Heat Hot Sauce Shop here in Berkeley: (heathotsauce.com ).   I love hot food!  While I am on this food thing, I distract myself at the Berkeley Farmer’s Market stopping by Flacos Tacos( flacostacosonline.com) most Saturdays for their  Banana Leaf Tamal with hot sauce, of course.  It is such a wonderful combination of flavors and is vegetarian, although you wouldn’t know it.  Wow, I guess I am pretty good at DISTRACTIONalready!  Who knew?

WORD Week 17

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, health care, Musings with tags , , , , , on April 22, 2013 by madelincwolf

A bit early this week!  Well, chalk that up to being home instead of in my studio.  I have tailored my most of my words to what is happening in my life so why stop now?  This weeks word is KNOWING.  All of us who have lived awhile know certain things.  We have experience, sometimes even wisdom.  Having knowledge is different than knowing.  Knowing comes from the gut or the heart, knowledge from the brain.  So what is this all leading up to?  I had a gut feeling and even knew in my heart that my report ( a preliminary report to be finalized later today) would not be good.  It isn’t devastating news, yet.  However, I will need an operation to prevent worse things happening.  So, today, I am home, processing what I was told and what I am facing.  I know that my family and friends will be supportive.  That is all I can ask for, oh, and a good outcome, of course, not to mention that I would like to win Powerball as long as I’m asking for stuff here!  If I don’t keep my humor, what do I have?