Archive for one word a week

WORD Week 18

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Cancer, health care, Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2013 by madelincwolf

Another week has gone by.  I have an appointment next Wednesday with the Dr. who will perform my surgery and I am not looking forward to it.  My therapist told me that I need some distractions so that I won’t keep going to that dark place where I dwell on my fears and feel paralyzed.  I told him that TV was working somewhat.  He suggested that I do something more than that. Like walking, for one thing.  So, that’s the word this week: DISTRACTION.

My first instinct is to say that I must face this head on and not put my head in the sand.  Perhaps that would work well for someone who does not worry about everything in the world that could go wrong when it comes to any disagreeable situation one has to face.  Therein lies the dilemma. Will the information I find fuel my fears or defuse them?  I want to find out everything there is to know about this operation; I watched a couple of You Tube videos and surprisingly, that calmed me a bit. The operation using the da Vinci machine seemed to proceed better than the regular laparoscopic surgery.  Of course it all depends on the skill of the Dr.  I will have many questions.

As far as DISTRACTION goes, last month I participated in NaNoWriMo’s set-your-own-word-count, write-what-you-want extravaganza.  I made my 10,0000 words and got my certificate.  I also have just about finished my 3′ x 3′ quilt for the Annual  Berkeley Public Library Quilt Show which starts on May 8, coincidentally.  I have been trying and buying new hot sauces at Heat Hot Sauce Shop here in Berkeley: ( ).   I love hot food!  While I am on this food thing, I distract myself at the Berkeley Farmer’s Market stopping by Flacos Tacos( most Saturdays for their  Banana Leaf Tamal with hot sauce, of course.  It is such a wonderful combination of flavors and is vegetarian, although you wouldn’t know it.  Wow, I guess I am pretty good at DISTRACTIONalready!  Who knew?

WORD Week 17

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, health care, Musings with tags , , , , , on April 22, 2013 by madelincwolf

A bit early this week!  Well, chalk that up to being home instead of in my studio.  I have tailored my most of my words to what is happening in my life so why stop now?  This weeks word is KNOWING.  All of us who have lived awhile know certain things.  We have experience, sometimes even wisdom.  Having knowledge is different than knowing.  Knowing comes from the gut or the heart, knowledge from the brain.  So what is this all leading up to?  I had a gut feeling and even knew in my heart that my report ( a preliminary report to be finalized later today) would not be good.  It isn’t devastating news, yet.  However, I will need an operation to prevent worse things happening.  So, today, I am home, processing what I was told and what I am facing.  I know that my family and friends will be supportive.  That is all I can ask for, oh, and a good outcome, of course, not to mention that I would like to win Powerball as long as I’m asking for stuff here!  If I don’t keep my humor, what do I have?

Word Week 16

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , , , on April 20, 2013 by madelincwolf

It’s almost next week, so I am just squeaking in under the wire with a new word.  The word is WAITING.  I am waiting again for results.  I have an appointment on Monday that will, hopefully , tell me that everything is OK.  I had not heard anything about the test earlier, which the Dr. said would be “bad news, ” and I am paraphrasing here.  So, my questions is, why make me wait for the good news and couldn’t we talk on the phone instead of my taking the time to meet with the Dr.?  Whatever.  I have not heard anything, so that’s good, right?  I am waiting to get back to the business of living instead of holding my breath.  My work has been affected, my mental state has been affected and I am tired of feeling like I am in a quagmire.  I am hoping that my next post will contain a positively wonderful word!

Word Weeks 14 and15

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , , on April 13, 2013 by madelincwolf

I have been remiss in getting my weekly posts out!  I have had some medical issues to address.  So, my words are are FEARFULNESS  and BEAUTY.

I was struck by how much fear I have that my test results will not be good.  I try to stay positive, which is very hard for me to do.  Having gone through my husband’s struggle with cancer so recently, I am angry that I have to have the c-word shoved in my face again so soon.  I want to banish any thought of having this rest on my doorstep.  In two weeks I will find out.  If I hear sooner, the news won’t be so good.  Guess I will have to reach down into that reservoir that sustained me to tap the waters of perseverance again.

There is a beautiful white iris growing in the strip between the sidewalk and the street a few houses up.  I saw and smelled it twice; once going and once coming back from my walk.  It smelled so sweet and glowed in the sunlight.  I felt it’s beauty overcome my downcast spirit.  I had a good walk.  It was a good day.  I have a lot to be thankful for.

Word: Weeks 12 and 13

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , on March 27, 2013 by madelincwolf

What can I say?  I got a bad cold last week and it required bed rest and liberal amounts of fluids and zinc lozenges.  No work, no fun, and lots of tissues.  In any case, being late with week 12 and slightly late with week 13 requires me to do a twofer.  So, here they are: HOPE  and CHANGE.  I use the word hope a lot; hope you are doing well, hope you can come, hope that I don’t have cancer, etc.  I think I overuse it and struggle to find alternatives.  All in all, I am a hopeful person and feel that without hope the world would be a dismal place.  Ah, change.  I have trouble with that one.  I don’t like things to change, especially abruptly.  Give me some time to get used to the new whatever.  I appreciate the gradual evolution of events or ideas not the oops life-has-thrown-me-a-curve-ball-I’d-better-get-used-to-it-fast kind of situation.  It’s a flaw that plagues me and causes waves of anxiety and the inability to act sometimes.  However, act I do and usually I come out on top and am relieved and proud that I have overcome my inadequacy.  So, how shall I connect the two words?  Powerball comes to California on April 8… I hope I win so I can change a few things in my life and in the lives of others.  Enough said!

Update: Since I didnt consult my list of words used before writing this post, I didn’t remember that I had already used HOPE.  I told you I use the word a lot!

Word-Week 11

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , , on March 14, 2013 by madelincwolf

A few days ago, I finished putting the binding on a quilt and put it in a bag to take home to finish along with a hand -quilting project.  I put the bag on my table.  I had to make two trips out to the car with all the stuff I was bringing home that day.  When I got home and opened the trunk, I realized the bag was still on the table.  I had forgotten it.  And the word of the week is… FORGETFULNESS!

People say that I am under stress living my first year of widowhood.  My mind is distracted. I have difficulty doing things that are demanding my attention, like taxes, for example.  The truth is that I have had this problem of forgetting things for a long time, maybe all my life.  It just seems more pronounced now.  I have used the phrase, “I’d forget my head if it weren’t attached” many a time in my life.  Am I on the road to Alzheimer’s? Creeping senility (I’ve always liked that one)?  Or, is there just too much stuff up there in my brain to go through before getting the right answer?  I don’t know.  It’s maddening to have a word, or long time friend’s name on the tip of one’s tongue and not be able to access it. Or, what was that movie that starred that actress, you know, the one whose name I always forget…. Of course, nine times out of ten the answer pops up an an odd moment. Like 2 a.m. when I am trying to get to sleep!  At least that gives me hope that I am not losing my mind after all!

Word, Week 10 (Late!)

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, health care, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , , on March 8, 2013 by madelincwolf

In spite of all the health issues and my grief work, this week’s word is EXCITEMENT.  YES!  Something positive for a change.  Tonight is the CreativiTea opening at ACCI Gallery in Berkeley.  Three of my pieces have been chosen to be in the show and I am very excited to go see them as well as the other pieces.  It’s going to be a fun show and I encourage everyone who is in the area to attend.  It will be up until April 7.  I had a lot of fun making two teacozies out of tea papers and one from the foil packets the bags come in.  I got lost in the process and technical issues to overcome, which was a relief from all the doom and gloom of late. That’s it from the left side of the USA.  What are you excited about?  I would love to hear, so leave a comment!

Word, Week 9

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, health care, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , on February 27, 2013 by madelincwolf

I was all set to post a positive word.  Oh well… This week’s word is DEPRESSION.  I am not talking clinical depression.  I have not gone there yet. I am talking about getting inconclusive test results and needing to see a specialist and probably having more tests. One of my daughters needs a followup test, too.  I’ve had more weepiness when I think that I ought to be getting better grief-wise.  I just feel down.  Can’t I catch a break? Is it all downhill from here?  I sure hope not.

Word, Week 8

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , on February 20, 2013 by madelincwolf

This week’s word is HOPE.  I tend to use this word a lot. “I hope things are going well;  I hope that my test results are good;  I hope for positive news about my daughter’s test;  I hope that I will be able to afford my studio for a long time; I hope I can fix my computer’s issues so I can edit and save my photos and begin posting them again!”  Hope keeps us going in the face of adversity.  Without hope, I would not have been able to sustain the necessary level of caregiving during my husband’s cancer treatment.  We hope for better futures, for the lives of our children to be better than ours, or at least not worse.  We hope for peace.  We hope that the nations and people of the world will realize that we have to address the threat of climate change now!  We have many hopes, both lofty and mundane.  What are your hopes?  Please leave a comment if you are so inclined.

Word, Week 7

Posted in 52 Weeks-52 Words, Musings, The Word with tags , , , , , on February 13, 2013 by madelincwolf

The weeks of this year are really flying by.  I am always amazed at how fast time does pass.  It was a tough week.  Tomorrow I will have another procedure and I am not looking forward to it.  But to the task at hand… a word.  This week’s word is ACCEPTANCE which is something that I practice almost every day.  I am slowly realizing that I need to accept what life has given me and move on, grow and remember that nothing is permanent.  A foul mood, happiness, sorrow, wealth, poverty, health, illness; everything that we know, have and do can change in an instant.  Choosing to change our perspective is another matter as it requires an active commitment.  I can choose to wallow in self pity or I can make art.  I can make art about wallowing in self pity, or I can make art that makes me happy and touches my heart with color and light.  At this point in time they are equally compelling.  I accept that I am an artist.  I accept that everything takes time and sometimes it seems like forever.  I also accept compliments which has taken me all my life to be comfortable with.  Now, I smile and say, “Thank you!”  No more negative, self-deprecating remarks allowed.  And now, I am accepting the fact that sleep is necessary and will come if I read long enough.  So, I bid you adieu.